You’ve just started dating that cute guy you matched with on Tinder, one of the main dating apps that everyone now uses to make new acquaintances and try to start a relationship.
He takes you out to dinner, whispers sweet words in your ear, showers you with attention, gifts, promises. After just a couple of dates, he’s already making big plans for life together: a house for two, a family.
He even goes so far as to tell you that as soon as he saw you, he knew you could be the great love of his life.
It really looks like you’ve found Prince Charming.
But you get the impression that everything goes a little too fast. And perhaps you are right.
Probably, if the man in front of you behaves like this, you’ve stumbled upon the classic narcissist who is implementing a well-tested strategy.
Perhaps, what you are experiencing is the love bombing.
What is love bombing
Translated into Italian, love bombing literally means love bombing. It is a term coined by the American psychologist and writer Margaret Singer who uses it to define “the models of behavior used by religious sects, institutions, professionals or simple people in order to operate plagiarism, conditioning or manipulation”.
In a nutshell, we are dealing with a manipulative technique that is part of a real solicitation strategy, typical of narcissists.
What is it about?
In essence, those who practice the love bombing it leverages your need to feel unique and special, on your emotional fragility for the sole purpose of being able to steal your trust and obtain your affection and your love. As? Through ta whole series of gestures, behaviors and words which, apparently, are very romantic but on closer inspection they are emphatic, excessive and, above all, precocious.
The narcissist goes to great lengths to win over his preyrushing into demonstrations of affection that overwhelm us with their intensity.
You’ve just met and he already promises heaven and earth, makes blatant gestures, makes extremely romantic declarations. All things that seem to have come out of a beautiful film.
But that’s real life and shortly thereafter that’s it the narcissist reveals himself for who he is: a man (or a woman, sometimes) exclusively interested in himself, unable to really and deeply love the person close to him.
After having you bombarded with false lovethe narcissist moves on to phase two, the second point of a script that repeats itself every time the same.
Once the relationship has solidified and the narcissist has secured the undivided devotion of their partner, the phase of gaslighting or devaluation. He will begin to isolate you, making you scorched earth around you, to bind you as much as possible to himself, making you dependent. He will make you see less of your friends and family, criticizing them first ironically and then less and less covertly.
Will try to exercise more and more control over your lifeinfluencing your choices, depriving you of possibilities, making you see things from his point of view.
At the same time, he will become cold and distant, much less available at first, alternating these moments of distance and indifference with others in which he will return to being the sweetest man (or woman) you have ever met.
At some point, you’ll feel like you’re on a roller coaster. And you will always be on the alert, why this kind of behavior fuel your fear of making a mistake that could cause you to lose the other. By playing with your fear of abandonment, the narcissist gets to manipulate you completely to his liking.
Love bombing: the warning signs
Doctor Manuel Marco Mancini, psychologist specialized in couple problems in Rome Eur and author of the book “Pathological narcissism and feminicide” offers some valid suggestions for recognize love bombing and escape a sick relationship before it’s too late, out of the grip of a partner who probably has nothing to give you.
All too fast
A clear signal that should alert us to what we are experiencing is the speed with which the relationship develops.
The love bomber is an individual who tends to go very fast. When he woos you, he wastes no time. He begins practically immediately to make proposals for coexistence, plans for the future together. She tells you she’s never met another woman like you. He shows off all the weapons of seduction that he has, showing himself as the perfect man.
If you feel like things are going at breakneck speed, hit the brakes and take a moment to reflect. Is it really possible that she fell madly in love in such a short time?
Let’s always remember that feelings need time to mature. And that it is good to deepen the knowledge before making such decisions.
The love bomber talks little about himself
Pay attention. The man in front of you is totally focused on you. He asks you many questions. He seems really interested in what you have to say, your passions, your tastes, your world.
And he doesn’t talk much about himself, except to tell you that you really have a lot in common and are made for each other.
The love bomber jacket looks like a good listener. But this is only the appearance. In truth, what it is doing is gathering information about you, your passions and interests, likes and dislikes, so that it has the tools to impress.
Furthermore, this allows him to know your weaknesses and understand where to strike when he enters the gasligthining phase
He showers you with gifts and compliments
Another red flag, i.e. a signal that should give rise to reasonable doubts about the relationship we are getting into, lies in the fact that the man (or woman) you have just met and who seems to be craving for you, covers you with gifts.
We’re not just talking about small thoughts – maybe a gallant bouquet of roses for a first date, as it used to be in the old days – but also very expensive and extravagant gifts, which are lavished with munificence even though you’ve only known each other for a very short time.
Likewise, the love bomber showers you with compliments. She keeps telling you that you’re beautiful, perfect, that she’s never met anyone like you. Compliments are one of the weapons that the narcissist uses the most in the first phase of the relationship. But his words are artificial, devoid of spontaneity, not natural.
A script that repeats itself with every victim who falls into the net.
Isolates you from family and friends
The narcissist wants to have you all to himself, weaving an exclusive relationship. It might seem romantic at first that he demands your attention and seems to always want to be with you to the exclusion of the rest of the world.
In reality, this is a way to get away from those who really love you and have you at their complete mercy. If there is no one who can give you advice and warn you, he will be in full control of the situation and can manipulate you as he sees fit.
It even goes so far as to instill a strong sense of guilt if you express a willingness to devote yourself to someone other than him.
It doesn’t respect your boundaries
You no longer have time for yourself and, perhaps, you don’t even remember what you really want anymore. The narcissist has an innate ability to manipulate his victim and in imposing his vision of things.
He wants you all to himself, and if he doesn’t have your full attention, he’ll get angry, sulk, and make you feel guilty.
This type of individual is unable to respect your needs and desires, which will be completely pushed aside to satisfy theirs.
He won’t ask for your opinion or availability before arranging something. And if you’ve already made a commitment, you’ll find yourself having to call to cancel because he has something else in mind.
Originally posted 2023-03-14 20:08:47.