Gaslighting, subtle violence

You will surely have heard of the various forms of violence or abuse that can exist. The most well-known or obvious are physical violence, sexual violence or even more explicit verbal violence (such as insults or threats).

But there are many other more subtle and subtle types of violence that need to be made visible.

Therefore, today we will talk about gaslighting: what it is and how to identify it.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a type of psychological violence that is particularly difficult to identify.

Psychological violence in general is very invisible in our society.

We are shocked and pay much more attention to the physical violence we see on the news, but gaslighting is subtle and must still be identified because knowledge is power!

Furthermore, the psychological consequences can generate much more serious and long-term consequences when compared to physical violence.

Gaslighting is a set of behaviors or words that end up making the victim believe he or she is going crazy.

That is, the person has the feeling of losing mental health, reason, of not recognizing what is real or not.

Those who practice gaslighting do so through manipulations of the victim’s reality, denying the perceptions and statements of the other, lying and invalidating what they feel and interpret.

You may wonder why this type of violence is called gaslighting.

The origin of the term comes from the film Gaslight, by George Cukor, released in 1944. It is an adaptation of Patrick Hamilton’s play, of the same name and released in 1938.

In the film the protagonist is a victim of gaslighting. Husband is manipulating reality and denying and invalidating her memories, her memory, her opinions… It alters her trust in her senses and mental health.

Psychological violence through gaslighting also has consequences. The erasure of the person, the manipulation of information, generating high discomfort and sense of guilt, can lead to psychological problems.

The consequences are both psychosomatic and psychological, leading to serious states of depression, substance use or suicidal ideation.

The victim’s mental health and safety are called into question, nullifying them.

His ability to perceive is destroyed and the person no longer believes what he interprets as real or not, because everything is questioned.

Examples of Gaslighting

There are two particularly repeated behaviors that can help you identify if this is happening to you: denial and lying.

These two behaviors may or may not go hand in hand, but they consistently show up in gaslighting and will help you identify it.

Even when it’s obvious, your accuser will lie and deny everything you saw, heard, remembered, etc.

He will tell you that you are imagining it, questioning your perceptions and your mental health until you question it too.

Even directly stating that you are out of your mind, that you have problems. It constantly invalidates you and blames you for what happens. He’ll tell you that you’re exaggerating, that it’s not a big problem, minimizing the impact of his behavior: forget it, it’s nonsense, that he was just teasing you…

If at this point you feel you may be a victim of gaslighting, you should know that there are ways to take action and defend yourself from it.

It is a complicated situation, especially if it has been going on for a long time and other types of violence are added to the relationship.

The degree of dependence on that person will greatly influence how you can manage it, so it will be important to work on how to overcome emotional dependence.

In any case, the first thing we recommend is to seek help and explain your situation in your trusted circle.

Trust your intuition. If something tells you that things are wrong, listen to yourself. For some reason you feel this way and your emotions are not wrong. No one should judge you or ignore your feelings.

Learn how to set boundaries, from defending your position and opinion while remaining calm to walking away from the person if necessary.

Don’t seek the approval of others, you are enough and you are not what others say about you. Work on increasing your self-esteem and seek professional help if necessary.

Gaslighting can be a type of psychological abuse in a couple. In this case, there may be a situation in which the victim minimizes the severity of the violence she receives, due to the relationship she has with the aggressor.

She doubts herself and may feel that she is making up what is happening or that she is exaggerating.

Although gaslighting can be exercised by anyone, we find gender tendencies, where those who attack the most using this method are men and within the couple.

Gaslighting is nothing more than the performance of superiority, security and impunity experienced by the narcissistic abuser.