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Separation is the decision to cut ties with a person or situation. And it’s never easy, of course.
However, we are aware that it is often fundamental for our emotional survival and to get closer to our vision of happiness.
Even if it’s difficult. Our instincts know when we really need to “give up”. However, we often can’t simply because we aren’t ready yet.
Ready for what exactly?
Ready to overturn everything.
Ready to change your habits.
Ready to no longer see certain people close to you (or linked to the situation).
Ready to be independent materially, financially and emotionally.
Ready to leave “normality” and a certain “comfort” of life.
Ready to grow.
Ready to face uncertainties.
Ready to face the reality of life.
Ready to understand that staying is always worse.
Ready to understand that the solution always comes from ourselves and never from others.
Ready to truly meet ourselves and no longer our mask.
Why am I so afraid of Separation? The 3 main reasons.
Reason 1: I’m afraid of being alone
This fear may be associated with emotional dependence. When you depend on a person or a “relational system”, you lose your autonomy. The system put in place during the relationship has made you distance yourself from an essential thing: your personal autonomy. You have given up everything (or almost!) for the other person or for the situation: a job in which you have completely invested yourself, for example, or the system to which you have become accustomed for years.
Why does this fear return? Because you have low self-esteem and believe you can’t do it.
You invested everything in the other, in this system that slowly made you dependent. And you, you forgot about yourself.
Solutions? Rebuild to suit your needs. Do things that make you feel good!
Because the notion of “Sacrifice” for the other is to be prohibited. The guilt of having disappointed “your savior”, the one who kept you in torpor. She infantilized you into believing that without him or her you couldn’t decide anything.
He has made you addicted to his pleasures and recreational activities to the point that this is the only thing that attracts you!
It was a bait, a mirage to fill your inner insecurity, a sneaky way to control your destiny. And you just wanted to fill this inner void so as not to face your fears.
Often our education pushes us to this. It’s “normal” to sacrifice everything for someone else or a job, right? Is this what your parents taught you? And then you hear it from your parents since you were a child: “Don’t do your own thing, listen to mum or dad, eh?”
Reason 2: I’m afraid of losing materially and financially so I don’t move!
When we sacrifice ourselves for others or for a professional situation, we think we are doing the right thing! The way others see us pushes us to do what others expect of us. Obviously the material and financial aspect is part of the “package”.
Do I have a good financial situation? Okay, go ahead!
Does this job give me financial security? Okay, go ahead!
And have you thought about your needs? And your wishes? And is the pleasure there? Wellbeing? Inner satisfaction? Do you have a burning gaze? What else?
Or, every day, slowly, something inside you dies more and more and every day is grey?
Solutions?
When starting a relationship, think about satisfying your material and financial needs independently. Otherwise you depend on the other. Well yes, but what about my job? Do I have to live? Yes of course. As long as this job doesn’t alienate you and you’re moving forward on autopilot.
Remember that your job is only a means to satisfy your needs. Everything’s fine, right?
Reason 3: Fear of abandoning “normality” and comfortable habits
The last reason (obviously there are many others!) is the fear of abandoning “one’s normality” and one’s habits. These have been anchored in you since the beginning of your relationship (emotional or professional).
This “normality” has pushed you to stop asking questions.
Consequentially:
I no longer ask myself questions because “the other” or “the situation” takes care of me.
I feel safe in this relationship even though I’m not happy. Too bad, but at least I’m safe!
I put aside all my desires: my creativity, my favorite sports, my personality, my originality, my joy, my smile. I prefer to make myself permanently available for “the other” or “for my work”. So I’m a good person, right? You’ll see that I’m a good person! I do everything to please him!
I owe him/her, don’t I?
I manage my schedule based on him or her, what he or she expects from me.
I do what he or she asks because he or she knows it better than me (I owe him/her a lot!)
And I keep the leftovers for myself (well it’s not bad, it’s better than nothing!)
Conclusion
Your separation is about letting yourself fall for a life standardized according to the other or something else. It may be that without listening to your inner voice you feel cornered.
Finding yourself, listening to yourself, doing things that depend only on you is fundamental. Your true security is there. What you find for yourself. The rest (relationship or job) must be an extension of who you are and not a “substitute” for who you are. When you have to change because the pressure is too strong and you know you no longer have a choice, choose what satisfies you, not what destroys or damages you little by little.
Read this article: “The 10 mistakes in love!”
Attachment is dependence. Self-love is above all a choice. This requires courage and self-sacrifice.
And whatever you think, always make a choice. The choice to be free because no relationship can bring you this freedom. Each of your relationships must be chosen according to you. And accept yourself as you are. Otherwise you are no longer yourself because you want to please others at the expense of your authenticity.
You just have to decide. That’s all!
And the good news, do you know what it is?
It’s that when you let go of the hands of those who don’t want your best, then the solutions will appear to you as if by magic, because that’s life!
So as soon as you part ways you will find each other again and what you will find, believe me (or not!), will amaze you!
This GRAIL, which has always been hidden from you, if you discovered it, would mean that you would never again be attached to a system that lies to you and serves you.
As soon as you understand this, the spell will be dissolved and you will wake up grown up, serene because you will finally have regained your only power: that of your sovereignty which was stolen from you without your knowledge, voluntarily, for thousands of years.
Take back your power and you will never again be afraid to see the truth as it is. This is the only way, by focusing on yourself again. Face yourself and be ready to lose everything to start over. Look away and stop feeding your addiction. It will immediately no longer exist and the connection will be broken.
Because you too can fly!
